It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
