it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we're making bets on your personal life
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
