but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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