every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
