So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize