i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
