Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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