He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize