so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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