he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
