wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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