I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
