I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
