i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
