Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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