Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know her cup size but not her name....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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