Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
