ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
