Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
