i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
