I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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