At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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