to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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