He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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