I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we're making bets on your personal life
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
