Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Rumble strips road head = magical
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
