it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize