dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
