sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
