i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
50% drunk capacity currently
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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