i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
