the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
