oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize