Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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