Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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