apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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