After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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