The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I am morally bankrupt
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
