im having a threesome with these popsicles
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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