You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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