all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
