I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
