I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
