i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
