I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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