2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
