so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
