Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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