No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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