New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We're too hungover to prance.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
