We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize