remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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