OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
