Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
