I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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