Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
