The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize