My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My vagina is officially offended.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
