Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
