I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
