dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
