Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
