he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
