so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
