I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
