call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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